I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
tonight lets celebrate not being married
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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