My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
