its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
