your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
How does it feel to date your dad?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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