Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
