remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
