All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
