So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you will always have a special place in my vag
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
