Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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