Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
