Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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