everyone is single if you try hard enough
we made out on top of his cat.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
