someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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