i think my tv is drunk
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
