Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Still dying that you shit outside
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
