perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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