dude i'm inner monologue high
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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