so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
