So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
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I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
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Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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