Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
