Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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