Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
