I wish I only lived at night.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
