we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
