I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
