Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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