And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
