I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
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It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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