Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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