We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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