Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
