K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
