He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
