Fine. I'll sleep in my office
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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