upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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