we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
