my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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