Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
