the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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