singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
