Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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