ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
