I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
