Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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