Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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