I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
