it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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