If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
