I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
