I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
