The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
