Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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