Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
