My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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