apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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