New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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