life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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