so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
