I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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