Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
