as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
