the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
