So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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