He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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