The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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