I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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